Very often, we become stressed out about our relationships- from personal, to professional and maybe even community partnerships.
We are obsessed with how we want certain people to be, and when they do not live up to our expectations, we become frustrated.
The truth is that most of those stresses can actually be avoided if we learn to focus on the one thing that is most important for our relationships to thrive. And that thing is YOU.
You see, it’s easy to want to shape somebody else into the image we have created for them in our minds. We want our spouses, partners, friends, or business or professional colleagues to become a certain way.
And when they do not level up to the expectations we have created for them, we begin to experience strain and strife in those relationships.
I remember when I first got married. Oh my God! I tried very hard to shape my husband into that “perfect” figure I had somehow crafted in my mind.
I wanted my husband to become a certain way. And unsurprisingly enough, the more I tried to get him to fit into the shoes I had designed in my head, the more we experienced some really tense moments in our marriage.
Until I learned. Until I realized that none of us actually has the power to change anybody against their will. We can never haul our options or desires on others if they are not willing to tow along with us.
Attempting to do that would only create more tension and fracture in your relationship. And if one is not careful could lead to a total collapse of that relationship.
So, what did I do that made a real difference in my marriage today?
I learned to focus on the only one thing that really matters. I learned to focus on ME. All those things I wished my husband would become, or do; I made sure I became or started doing.
In earnest, I spent all that time in working to improve myself, rather than fretting over what my husband is, or is not.
I have learned to become more loving, a better listener and ultimately a better partner. I have even reduced my social media over-indulgence (lol) just so I can spend the time chatting with my husband. Because he actually accused me of phubbing (and I had no idea what that even meant until I looked it up!)
And like magic, many of those things I wished my husband did or stopped doing just happened naturally. Without pressure. Without tension. And without sleepless nights.
So, in wrapping this up,
Regardless of the dynamics or composition of your relationship, if you want to enjoy the experience, focus on the one thing that matters: You.
Take your eyes away from all the things you wish your partner was or was not and rather focus on being all that you want the other person to be. Because I can tell you that with time, that person may just turn around and surprise you with the change that you desire. On their terms.
The point is that you can never force change on anyone. Get over that, and begin to enjoy your life to the full!
All the best!!!
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