How I learned to cope with past failures and disappointments

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Sometimes, this experience called ‘life’ may not go as we anticipate it to. And the reality of that situation can be unnerving, discouraging and maybe even embarrassing, to say the least.

This type of situation is even worse when we think we have put in all our best efforts, and then all our dreams, hopes, and ambitions are turned into a chaotic mass.

If you have never experienced real failures or disappointments, then you may never fully understand what those passing through that phase of life may be going through.

Sometime in the past, I tried very hard in working to achieve a particular goal. By human standards, I did all the best I knew I could possibly do.

I tried to network as best as I could. It even got so bad that I had to endure bouts of embarrassments and scorn from people I thought would have been able to help me out.

However, after putting in all my best efforts and even losing out on sleep in the process, all my hopes came crashing to the floor, before my eyes.

You think failure or disappointment stinks? I will tell you what stinks even more. Having to deal with the shame and embarrassment felt worse than the original failure itself.

And in being honest, I have to admit that my self-confidence/esteem took a big hit during that dark period of my life.

Now, with the understanding that this experience may not be peculiar to me alone, I am choosing to write this piece for someone who may have experienced or is experiencing a disappointing outcome at something they have worked very hard for.

This is my advice for you:

Don’t stress it; Rest it.

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In life, things happen for a reason. And because we are humans with limited visions and perceptions of the world, we may not completely understand why certain things happen the way they do.

And neither should we even stress ourselves out in trying to find out why.

When things go the way you least expect, especially after investing so much in terms of time, resources or another effort, try to hold your head above water.

It’s no secret that you may find it very difficult to gather the will or courage to do that. But, you have to be willing to try. You have to be willing to give yourself another chance.

When I experienced a major disappointment in my life, this is how I lived through the process:

  • I decided to pour my heart out in writing. I couldn’t afford to talk to anyone. Because I felt no one could completely understand how I felt at the time. So, I took to journaling and just started pouring out my heart on paper. Seeing the contents of my heart staring in front of me was sort of the beginning of the healing process for me.
  • Then, I tried to stay away from those that made my pain feel worse. And that included people that made me feel embarrassed at my predicament. I found that having to deal with them on a regular basis only made my self-esteem deprecate the more.
  • And I also began to research and find out ways in which I could change the outcome of my situation in the future.

Sometimes when people experience failures or disappointments, they find themselves stuck in that place of doom and gloom, with no plausible means of escape or deliverance.

If that ever becomes your lot, as hurtful, painful and embarrassing as it may seem, you have to be able to pull yourself together and kick life in its butt again.

You see, failure stinks, but only for as long as you allow it.

Don’t stress too much about that negative outcome. Because in due time you would soon find that the experience might have only been a blessing in disguise.

For me, looking back at that very significant disappointment in my life has been totally worth it. Right now, I can see that the experience has made me a better and more courageous person.

That experience helped shaped my life’s values and taught me about the causes I found that I now care very deeply about.

I probably would never have discovered some awesome new things about myself if I hadn’t gone through that dark phase.

So, yes when next you experience a disappointing or failing outcome at something you thought you had all figured out, don’t stress it; rest it.

Because every disappointment is a blessing in disguise, and your better days are yet to come!

To your continued success. Cheers!!!

Evi Abada

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