And this is not all about personal or intimate relationships. Professional relationships also count. Because you deserve a healthy work environment. Spending a full 8 hours of your day in hell is not the healthiest way to live.
So, yes, work relationships also count.
I suffered an abusive and demeaning work relationship and had to quit only after working 6 months. As hurtful as that experience was, I actually learned 3 key lessons from enduring those 6 months of torture.
- The abused always tries to make excuses for the abuser. I always tried to see things from the perspective of my abuser, as that was the only way I could endure the period of painful torments.
- The abused is made to believe they are the ones with a “people” problem. Enduring the deplorable relationship for as long as I did, made me believe that I probably was the one with a problem, and so needed to do something about my own self. This is a powerful tactic often used by people who abuse others in relationships. The abused is made to believe he/she is the ‘bad person’ that needs to change when the reverse is often the case.
- The abused is often stunned or shamed, to the extent that they would rather suffer in silence than seek help from outside sources. I could hardly confide in anyone about the unbearable work environment in which I worked. I was afraid of being judged by others and was unsure of whether the system had the capacity to protect me or only aggravate my problems. I opted for the second option and so suffered alone in silence, for as long as I remained there.
As awful as these may seem, it is actually worse if you have to endure the same thing in an intimate relationship.
All too often, we see people endure tumultuous relationships, with some ending in a diminished sense of self, and others, unfortunately, ending in the loss of lives.
Choosing to endure a relationship that makes you feel less than you are worth, is one of the worst things you could do for yourself as an individual. Because when you do that, you are handing over the control of your life to another mortal just like yourself.
However, if you find yourself trapped in an abusive relationship, you have the option to do either one of 2 things:
- To assert your position in that relationship and demand a change that preserves your dignity or self-worth, or
- Walk straight out the door.
For me, I decided to walk straight out the door, once I decided I could no longer deal with the abuse.
Here are 3 ways to actually know if your relationship stinks:
- It emphasizes only your weaknesses. Any relationship that only tries to blow out to the open the places you are not great at actually stinks. No one is ever perfect, and we are all supposed to help one another become better. However, any relationship that pays close attention to only the things you are not doing right, needs an immediate re-evaluation.
- It downplays your strengths. Whoever said you are not good at anything? No one was ever born empty. So, any relationship that seeks to tone down your strengths, by not acknowledging all the great things you are great at, is in need of a serious evaluation. Do you know that when your efforts are recognized and appreciated, the tendency for you to want to give more, or do more increases? And so is the reverse. If your efforts/strengths are being downplayed or altogether devalued, then the time is up to reassess your status in that relationship, and take the best next steps.
- It deprecates your self-worth. Any relationship that attempts to belittle you or denigrate your sense of self actually stinks and should be re-analyzed. No one should have the right to make you feel less than yourself. Abusers awfully utilize this weapon all the time and you should not allow them to do that to you for any much longer. You are far more than what they may make you believe. And in fact by doing that only exposes their cowardice, and why it’s imperative that you do something to fix it.
So, you have it all spelled out here. So many are trying to thrive in relationships they have no business being a part of in the first place.
You deserve a healthy sense of self, and that goes with being in a relationship that helps you accomplish that. Anything other than that needs a re-evaluation. So, go ahead and do what is right for YOU!
To your continued success. Cheers!!!