The STAt Principle: building and maintaining solid relationships

Newton’s third law states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Every human action, no matter the degree of significance is often met with a response-which may be positive or negative. And because human beings are intrinsically reactionary entities, the tendency for people to react to situations without first thinking it through, often leads to chaos and confusion. This phenomenon has destroyed many relationships, broken marriages, scattered friendships and sometimes, even families. An application of the STAt principle, which I have adapted to my relationships, both professional and personal, may prevent many of the shattered relationships we see all around today.

STAt-which is an acronym stands for Stop, Think, Act, and it is as easy as it looks and sounds. As humans, we are often impatient when it comes to our dealings with others. Our egos, pride and impatience are given priority over the relationship we share with our fellow man. We are often quick to react to situations, instead of taking a few seconds to pause and think, before responding. We allow ourselves get carried away with the emotions of the moment, and in the process, we respond to situations without first thinking about their consequences. This approach to life has destroyed many relationships; relationships that may have been salvaged, if one party had gone the extra mile, to apply the STAt principle.STAt_woman-2937190_1920STAt is borne out of a conscious effort to nurture our most treasured relationships. It is for people willing to share and experience more warmth in their relationships, than strife. For example, consider a husband and wife who may have been madly in love prior to getting married, and 12 months after their somewhat ‘glamorous’ wedding, are headed for divorce. How does that make you feel? What do you think will be the obvious question on everyone’s lips? “What happened to that fantastic couple?” Or consider two very close friends, sort of BFF’s who have had a rock-solid friendship for as long as possible. How would it make you feel if you suddenly found out that they do not see eye to eye again? The truth of the matter is that, there is no relationship that cannot be repaired. It only takes one party to make a conscious decision, to make a relationship work. Be it a spousal, family, social or professional relationship, the STAt principle can be applied to stop that relationship from going down the drain. It only takes one person to carry out an introspective analysis of the cause and effect of the problem, by applying STAt-Stop; Think and Act!

If you are already in a relationship that seems to be going through troubled waters, take a moment to carry out a self-reflective analysis to unearth the root causes of the friction. Ask yourself these basic questions: “what are the things that stir up controversies between me and the other person?” “How do I respond differently to these controversies to create a more conducive environment for peace to thrive?” “How can I avoid or deal with these controversies altogether?” “Can I give myself some time to think through whatever the situation is before proffering a response?”

Remember that a soft answer turns wrath away. In carrying out your self-reflective analysis, you must be willing to estimate the value of that relationship that is hitting rock bottom. How valuable is that relationship to you? Are you willing to give up on it, or are you willing to do something within your capacity to make it work?

I personally value the relationships I have been able to build, be it professional or personal. And in an attempt to ensure that my relationships withstand the trials of life, STAt was birthed for me. I have applied it and seen the overwhelmingly positive results, and I have shared my little secret with some others that have also reported positive outcomes. I tell you, it works! STAt produces immensely positive results that the other party with whom you might be in a rift with, cannot afford but notice your change in approach to issues. Go for STAt, and salvage your relationships.shaking-hands-2974789_1920.jpgIf you are about to go into a relationship, such as a marital or professional commitment, you cannot afford not to have STAt handy at all times. The whole world suffers from an ego problem. No one wants to be seen as weak, or faint hearted. But the truth is that if we truly value the place of others in our lives, we will try to do all we can to preserve the string that holds us together.

Learn to think for, and think through the other person. Before you open your mouth to respond to that ‘irritating’ colleague of yours, stop for a few seconds and take the time to bring out the best response from your lips. Is your boss or co-worker sending you overtly ‘annoying’ emails? Before you respond and click the send button, take an extra 30 seconds to read through your reply. Do not be in a hurry. Keep your ego aside. After all, ego doesn’t pay the bills or put food on the table. At the crux of STAt is the value of our fellow man, and the realization that life will indeed be a better place to live in, if we learn to do the things that keep us more united, and less fractured.

Go for STAt. Keep that flame alive in your relationships!

To your continued success. Cheers!!!

Evi Abada



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