Your Opinions DO NOT Count; if you Cannot Relate to that Situation

In life, there are so many ‘unqualified’ judges around us; people who didn’t go to college to get a law degree, but yet act like they know more than Supreme Court Judges. They would hear a case, try a case and also be the ones to pass judgment, because of either one of 2 things: ignorance, or self-centeredness. These people often find it difficult to relate to the uniqueness and peculiarities of individual circumstances, but unfortunately are the ones to quickly voice out their unsolicited opinions.

As humans, we must understand that no 2 individuals are similar, likewise, no 2 individual experiences are completely reproducible to the same exact degree. Therefore, it makes no sense to be hasty in passing judgments about issues or events you know little or nothing about, or have not experienced for yourself. “If you cannot relate; don’t debate”.

Making assertions or passing unfair judgments on people having their bit of life’s excesses, is pretty premature, and uncalled for. But, the problem these days is that so many people crave for their voices to be heard, even in situations where their opinions weren’t solicited. And quickly criticize or appraise situations from the nearsightedness of their own lenses, with little thought or regard for how the other person feels. I would share a personal experience.Relate_pexels-photo-326603I had been working for someone who had been very difficult to work with, and also very inconsiderate in her managerial approach style. Every morning, I always left home with a renewed determination to outdo my self at work, just to see if that would be enough to make her turn around the corner, and become more humane to work with. But I realized that the more I tried to do that, the more difficult it became for me to work with her, because she made certain to disparage me at every single opportunity. In no time, I realized that my morale started deprecating.

To make matters worse, I had confided in another colleague who wasn’t working with my boss directly about the situation. The least I expected was to be blamed and criticized for everything that wasn’t working at the job. My colleague had never worked with this person, and had no clue about the things I was talking about. But she was very quick to pass judgment that, I probably had all the blames for why things weren’t working with my manager. I got to the breaking point, and I quit that job.

As fate would have it, she was transferred to fill up my vacant position after I left, and had to work with my former ‘unbearable’ manager. She had only spent 3 weeks there, when I got the call from her. She said, “I am sorry Evi to have judged you when I didn’t have all the facts. You were right. This person is impossible to work with. You did well for putting up with this crap for that long. I am searching for a new position”.

If you have not walked in someone else’s shoes, it’s easy to judge them, because you do not know where it hurts. Take a minute to see things broadly from other people’s perspectives, before passing your unsolicited judgment. For all you know, you may be snuffing out the tiny shred of self-confidence they have left through your actions, by deliberating the issue in your own ‘High Court’. Always remember, “If you can’t relate, don’t debate”.

To your continued success. Cheers!!!

Evi Abada


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Riwo Fuoye says:

    Even when you feel like you can relate, be careful and wise in your response cause life has taught us that no two similar situations are the same. There is always a distinguishing fact. Be tender and loving in your reaction. Sometimes all that person needs is a listening ear and not necessarily your “input”. Be sensitive to know which is needed, a listening ear or a loving advice. Let love rule at all times.

    Liked by 1 person

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