“You are not good enough”

Have you ever had these 5 words said to, or implied at you? I have. And as painful as it may make you feel, these are actually 5 simple words that may either bolster your confidence to bring out the best in you, or they may take you through the rough paths of life. I use the word ‘simple’ to describe these words because; they should be pretty familiar with many first graders.

You see, when you are made to believe that you are not good enough either through spoken word or by implication, try not to read too much into it. The first thing is to critically appraise the person making that statement or implying that message, to see if they are any better than you in your own eyes. You know how they say, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder?” Likewise, anybody’s unsolicited opinion of you is in their own eyes, not yours. And whatever negative comments they put out about you should not break you, but make you.

Unfortunately in life, we all too often encounter people who are more than willing to talk us down, than lift us up. They are very quick to judge us by some ‘set standards’, and would never make any effort to help us achieve the standards of ‘the good’. They may take pride in the number of people they have torn down, instead of priding themselves in the number of people they have guided towards achieving their dreams. Never let anybody’s unsolicited opinion about you, put you down. You never asked them for their opinion about you, and even if they go ahead to share that opinion with you, know that it is theirs, and not yours.

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It is true that you may not be the best for a particular task, or that you are not the right fit for a particular role. Regardless, that in itself does not automatically make you, “not good enough”. With a lot of experience in community engagement, I have discovered that there are so many reasons why people do the things that they do. For instance, a young teenager involved in substance use and overdosing may have never known a different way of life. Having been raised by drug abusing parents, they may never have been exposed to anything better. Any attempt on their part to try to walk a better path, may be met with a judgmental “you are no good” response, and so these young people end up sticking with the only thing that makes them feel good enough-substance use and overdosing.

As a community and society, let’s give others a chance at taking their best shots at life. A person’s shortfall, should not automatically sentence them to the “no-good” cell. People should be given the opportunity to make good of their lives, in a friendly and non-judgmental atmosphere. The fact that I may not have the skill set required of an engineer or an attorney does not make me “not good enough”, because for all you know, I may well be super gifted with abilities in music, arts or public speaking. Unknowingly to you, I may also be the best at molding or shaping people into unearthing their inner potentials, which could potentially lead to the fulfillment of a common societal good.

Remember that, just as beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so is goodness! Your yard stick for being good may be different from mine, and neither of ours may actually measure up to the world standard. We are all good at something, and our distinct and unique capabilities, make our communities a healthier and better place to live in.

Never let anyone put you down. Never allow anyone’s words, actions, perceptions or judgments of you, determine the course of your life. You are good for what you are worth, and the uniqueness of your goodness is a required piece to satisfy society’s common good. As members of our communities and the globe, it is paramount that we all unite together to bring out the best in all of us. We should endeavor to see the good in all of us, celebrating what unites us, and laying aside anything that divides us.

To your continued success. Cheers!!!

Evi Abada

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